My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
