her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
