i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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