He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
