he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
