someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I've blown a few things in my day
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
