I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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