I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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