youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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