I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He has the fingertips of a God
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