Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
