you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
