I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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