Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
