then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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