8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
