I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
