so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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