I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
