You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
