she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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