I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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