man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
