HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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