I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
