I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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