you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
