At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
