Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
