I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
