I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
