No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
