distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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