Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
