his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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