I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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