people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
