You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
