She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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