i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
