that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
