did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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