His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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