I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
