just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
