Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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