Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
