he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
