So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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