if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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