and i looked up. we had an audience...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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