I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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