i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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