I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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