Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
