I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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