She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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