see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
