Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
