Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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