you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
