the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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